Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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