just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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