im gay
i know
yea but for you.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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