It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
