Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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