Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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