just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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