so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize