I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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