I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
