dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
