I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
