A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
