We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
