My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
