He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
