I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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