I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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