smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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