who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
