Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
