dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
