My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
