i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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