I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize