The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
