At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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