wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
