I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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