I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
