just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
