She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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