is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize