Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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