Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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