addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
