You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
