i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize