i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
