I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
