Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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