if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
