at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
