i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The convent might be a nice break from real life
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
