Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
