We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
