OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
