it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize