he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
