Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
