I could make wine with my vomit
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
