She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
