who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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