Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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