just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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