I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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