Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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