Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
