i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
