Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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