ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
if i died would you start the facebook group?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
