I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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