I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I pour the whiskey from now on
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize