last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
