After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
