we have pet lesbian snakes
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
