She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
