between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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