oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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