Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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