bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
