He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
