U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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