He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
