dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize