so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
