that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
