i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
