Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
