fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
