Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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