Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
