Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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