Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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