I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
