Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
