i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
