so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
