I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize