hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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