i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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