Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
