tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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