No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
